Author: nautiiilowe

The art of healing is like an unroofed temple, uncovered at the top and cracked at the foundation.

— Benjamin Rush.

The theme of healing has always been something that has been present in my life and has played a vital role in my relationship with myself and those who are blessed enough to be in my presence.  Yes, I think that highly of myself and I recommend you all start doing the same. 

 If you were to ask the people in my life right now or even in the past I can guarantee that they left a completely different individual or they gained a better understanding of themselves, plus their self confidence probably grew significantly. The reason I’m saying this is because I encourage the people in my life to accept all aspects of themselves that means the good, great, terrible, dark, twisted, loving, and whatever else it maybe. When I meet people it just in my nature to try to read between the lines of bullshit that I’m fed on a daily basis, but the secret about me is I’ll pretend to believe whatever is being told to me so I can find out what’s really going on behind the mask that we as humans love to wear to people please. There’s nothing wrong with that but my concern  is that sometimes we can get too comfortable with the mask and forget about who we really are. Putting on a mask is so much easier than doing the work to heal ourselves. Think of the mask being a bandaid over our wounds that we are too afraid to deal with it. And I know some of you don’t want to hear that you are afraid, but it’s the truth because you are. Some of us have had bandaids on our wounds for so long that the bandaid is withered with blood and the wound is infected. 

The wound has become so infected that you’re scared to see what has festered under there. Well here’s the wake up call that some of you have been praying for because that shit needs to be treated bc I guarantee the infection has spread into other facets of your life and yes even your body. I’m here to tell you that you’re the only person who can heal  yourself not your friends, not your family, not your religious institution, bc the power to heal yourself was something you were born with. All of those things are guidance absolutely but at the end of the day it comes right back down to you. Some of y’all really just won’t tap in. All these signs telling you to tap in and you keep praying for answers when the creator is putting it in your face. Stop being afraid because fear is an illusion and stop being lazy bc it is not going to be healed overnight. Y’all keep praying but forget about patience. Do better.  I probably sound harsh but I’m not trying to be because I already know what needs to be done so why sugar coat it. I’m constantly working on aspects of myself that need some TLC, because the truth is healing never stops and I’m not perfect. People get so caught up with thinking that healing is a one stop shop and once you’ve dealt with whatever your wound is that you magically become this person without trauma. Like no there levels and trauma can be generational, so be prepared to commit your existence to dealing with triggers that you were never even aware of. Like for a lot of us we are the first ones in our families to even take mental health seriously because I know coming from a black family how that goes. Mental health is not considered a real thing. This was something that I picked up on a as a small child and started to understand more as I got older. That’s why I love psychology so much because I feel like my role in my family is to educate them on what they feel on a mental level and that it  holds significance and that they matter. And if you’re not black then start telling black people that what they feel matters because a lot of us are not use to society caring about what we feel or go through. It sucks even more when it feels like your peers and especially family don’t even care about your feelings. It’s tough because most people don’t even understand why black families view mental health the way they do. It’s pretty simple and it’s called systematic racism. Wow, who would’ve thought being oppressed, having your feeling invalidated, and your humanity invalidated as well would make you project those same feelings onto the people closest to you. Literally, black people’s entire existence has been invalidated since our ancestors were forced to come to this country. Slavery, Jim Crow, and the mass incareration (aka modern slavery) of blacks are just some big ones there somethings in between but you get the point. 

This is why knowing history is important and the impact of history on people mentally needs more attention. So, yes, trauma can be passed on through DNA and if you don’t believe me start reading about intergenerational trauma or the theory of Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome. Back to what I was saying tho.. Some of us are the first people in our families to take mental health seriously and trust me I know it’s scary speaking it up but that what our ancestors wanted for us to do. We have to heal ourselves in order to heal our future bloodlines and  in order to escape being mentally imprisoned by our minds. And mental imprisonment can be anything fear, anger, anxiety, depression, bipolar depression, borderline personality disorder, etc.

It just apart of life and I think that we have to stop looking at our trauma and mental states as negative because that how people profit of it and us. They are just states of being and easy to fall into the trap of society that tells you that it’s permanent. Nothing is permanent and change is inevitable. If you believe it’s permanent start this over and go back to where I talked about the bandaid.  It’s easy to believe it’s permanent because you can use it as an excuse to be lazy and says that’s just the way I am. That’s false and its time for you to work on rewiring your subconscious that’s all. One day y’all will wake up and realize how powerful the words you speak are. We internalize our own words and the opinions of others around us. No one is really chronically lazy, it’s just easier to accept being low vibrational when you’re surrounded and constantly around low vibrational energies. Before I continue, I know it easy to twist words around. Mental illnesses are very real, but they are just states of being when it comes down to it. It’s up to you to figure out what is in your environment that causes you to become stuck in these temporary states of being.  Bc when you think about it that’s all it really is, is being stuck. Being stuck in your head is a real bitch sometimes and it’s hard trying to get out sometimes. And it’s even harder decoding your mind on your own when their are so many distractions. That’s why I really do value my alone time with just myself. You can ask anyone I prioritize spending time by myself and we all really should. This is when you can begin to ask yourself deeper questions. Ask yourself about the company you keep? Do the people in your life build you up or tear you down? Does my environment make me feel at peace? How can I make my environment feel more peaceful?

Your environment can impact your mentality greatly. Like I said we internalize so much over the course of our existence, but most of us never take the time to examine it.  As a person who spends a lot of time in my head I at least want it to be a place that I enjoy being. So, I try to be intentional about how I view myself until I start to believe it and embody it bc words, affirmations, and mantras are powerful when it comes to rewiring the subconscious mind. I can’t give the exact way to go about dealing with mental health because at the end of the day we are all unique with different backgrounds, but the starting point is speaking up for your needs. Your needs will never be met if you do not voice them. Start off small, voice your needs to yourself and once you’re comfortable find a person or a group of people that you trust and that have given their consent to listening to you vent your most vulnerable thoughts. If that’s too much for my introverts out there trust me ya girl understand because anxiety is a real bitch sometimes. So introverts start journaling but journal like you’re speaking to someone who is giving you their undivided attention and not judging you for a damn thing. I mean that’s pretty much what I do with this.  If you do pick people to do this with make sure they are the non judgemental type, but also pick individuals that keep it real with you bc it not beneficial if you don’t know what to work on. I do know this though, when it comes to mental health the best type of therapy is expression. Expression can be anything that allows you to be your most authentic self. Bc I feel like a lot of our issues with our mental health comes with our inability to be ourselves. We are so afraid to take off our mask because of fear of judgement because we live in a world where we are judged on a daily basis. We are judged by our race, our income, our clothes, our body types, our sexual orientation, our vernacular, our religion or lack thereof, the cars we drive, the university we attend, and I could continue but you get the points its all superficial and its mentally taxing trying to keep up with the kardashians. You’re shamed if you accept yourself and who you really are, but that’s not okay. We are not meant to all be the same because we were all placed here with a specific purpose and it’s no one’s right to judge an individual for the path they decide to take and what they are called to do. And if you don’t know what you’re called to do. Still express yourself through whatever it may be. Drawing, writing, talking, dancing, Music, therapy, helping others, literally anything that makes you feel like you. Anything that makes you feel happy because you’ll start to gain a sense of self, identity, gratitude and worthiness. These types of things make it hard for your depression or anxiety or whatever you’re going through  to compete with but it takes patience and discipline. Try not to beat yourself up on the hard days, bc the hardest days mean your mind is working hard to keep you trapped when you’re the closest to breaking free. 

So, you know if this is resonating with any of you then take notes, come back to this when you need it, most importantly know that you’re never alone even when you think you are. You’re being guided down this path for a reason and believe it or not you were chosen and you’re being watched over by your ancestors because at the end of the day they wanna see you eat and win. My final message to those that are resonating with this heavily is that if you’ve been struggling with certain aspects of yourself it’s tough I’m not gonna bullshit you, but when the day comes for you to overcome your mind it will all make sense why you had to go through what you went through.

Happiness is more than just doing fun things. It’s about doing meaningful things

— Maxime Legacé.

This episode is going to be about how I replaced the hustler’s mentality for just making happiness my essential goal for my life. 

Happiness should come before anything. Why would I continue to do things that are miserable? And if it is miserable there should be at least one thing about it that I enjoy. This  “hustle mentality” is broken and toxic. I know I will trigger a lot of hustlers saying that, but listen to the full podcast before you jump to conclusions. This is just what works for me if hustling is your thing then more power to you. I’m not choosing that route for myself ever again. 

Before I continue I want to say work ethic is extremely important, but hustling should have never been equated to someone’s work ethic.

If anything I view it as how much energy can I put into something to try to yield faster results to short term success and unhappiness? 

What I notice is that so many people become obsessed with “chasing” this one goal and they get so deep into this “I need to make it” mindset that they haven’t taken a second to stop chasing the future. When they become refocused to the present moment and not obsessively chasing a future goal they realize they hate what they are doing and don’t even know how they got to that point. So many people think that these people who have been labeled hustler is bc they focused so much on achievement and “making it”. I disagree with the people who have reached society’s standards of success lost themselves and if you were probably able to go deeper into their stories I’m willing to bet they hate themselves internally, struggle with their identity, and hustling is what made them feel seen. This is why I think it’s broken, toxic and outdated.

 In historical terms, I think it was really breeded out of colonialism bc the colonizer was hustling for money and power. Hustling so much to the point that their currency became black and indigenous people of colors bodies. Hustling became about money and power dynamics. Passion, happiness, and gratitude was demolished in order to uphold a lot of these capitalistic values. Believing that there wasn’t enough land for everyone (scarcity mindset) and claiming land ownership through mass genocide, rape, torture showed success.  At the core tho the colonizer obviously hated themselves bc in reality they were jealous bc they were never as advanced as the black and indigenous people of color that they colonized, abused, oppressed and murdered. My theory is that’s why you see a lot of literature from that time calling black and indigenous people of color savages, uncivilized, incompetent is due to the colonizer projecting how they view themselves on to them. I’m a psych major so I stay referencing Freud.

So overtime you see a cultural shift, which is the more you have to show then the happier you will be which is materialism at the core. Hustling is not for me bc it’s honestly stressful, not fun, tiring, and mentally exhausting.

Life should not be stressful if you accept that what should be for you will. Your life’s purpose has always been instilled in you and the real focus is on the things that make you happy. When you’re happy you’re more compassionate, understanding, and kinder which leads to a much greater feeling.  Your purpose starts to manifests itself bc you don’t doubt what’s meant for you and you don’t have to chase anything. Like ask yourself why are we even chasing anything if tomorrow isn’t for certain? Your focus doesn’t become the chase like in a hustle mentality. People who follow this mentality really try hard to convince me it’s their ability to be so driven, having a high work ethic, and wanting to be the best, which really is just another way of saying  “chase”. Bc I possess all of those qualities minus wanting to be the best and I don’t chase success. Bc if you believe that you are the best at what you do then you don’t feel need to validate it by stating it to people and making an excuse for being unhappy, which is essentially what that is. 

Your focus becomes happiness and happiness becomes your internal driving force for your own personal form of success not society’s. When your purpose gets a little difficult that means you’re growing into something greater for yourself to carry out your next mission. It can be difficult but the transformation is necessary but bc you know it’s your purpose and happiness is at the center of it your driving forces kick back in bc you realize you love what you do. When you love what you do then honestly success manifest for you and the people around you. Success is bigger than just you, which is hard to shake from in a hustlers mentality.

You only chase after things that aren’t meant for you. Imma say that again. You only chase after things that aren’t meant for you. 

You don’t chase purpose, you walk with a purpose. Meaning you don’t have to get so caught up in your future self. Just claim that your future self is proud of wherever you’ll be bc it doesn’t help to constantly think about it bc anxiety will just brew. The only moment that truly matters is the now! Are you happy right now? Or will you chase happiness in the form of future success? When you could change that and be happy right now? I can’t answer that for you any of you only you can. If you disagree with my perspective that cool too I’m not here to judge but this is what has worked for me. I will leave you all with this story about myself. I use to be so consumed by this hustler mentality bc it’s just engraved into societal norms. I became obsessed with my grades, gpa, community involvement, having a job bc I wanted to make my family proud. I wanted to make it and I wanted to be so successful become rich and take care of my family. I’m not gonna lie my grades were amazing, gpa was through the damn roof, and I was overly involved in too many community engagement related things that were doing extremely well… In reality  I was extremely miserable, sad, depressed, I cried so much bc I was exhausted but pride made me take on more than I could chew bc I started obsessing over having money and being successful. On the outside, I looked happy and everyone was so proud of me and I tricked myself into being proud of me. If you asked anyone they’d never know how sad I really was bc I’m good at faking it bc I had always had a plan for myself but I knew that I was not happy deep down. I kept chasing tho bc I told myself I committed to it. Side note: I’m also a scorpio so when we become driven by materialistic type things we tend to not want to give up and start over bc we’ve spent time obsessing over our lives and planning to be this extraordinary individual (external validation), which is so toxic but it’s the truth. Anyways tho back to what I was saying. I kept chasing and chasing but there was always something that I had to do. It was never ending, but I just kept going through with it bc I had a goal that I wanted to complete. Well things came to halt when I ended up being diagnosed with this eye condition that I’m not gonna go into further detail about bc I’m saving that for another podcast episode. With this diagnosis it was the first time in a while that I had to just be still and rest. At the time I thought my body was giving up on me and I was so upset bc I thought I had put in so much effort to be successful and then my body just went weak on me. I was honestly so angry and sad, until one day I wasn’t. I’m so thankful for that moment happening bc I think about it now and my body was really just letting me know that the life dream I was chasing wasn’t meant for me. I realized at the core I was chasing after external validation and not giving myself internal validation. With my eyesight being temporarily impaired I had so much time to think and I slowly realized I didn’t even know myself or who I was really was once I stopped chasing. My body literally went into system override and  forced me to be present in life bc in that moment I realized everything I wanted was not motivated by happiness. It was motivated by the need to have more so that I could reach happiness. It made me realize that I had to be happy first in order to attract the happiness I wanted for myself. I had to realize that we really are set up with the basic kit to follow our purpose that will lead us down a path of true happiness. Some people’s kit comes with privilege and some people’s kit come with 400 plus years of oppression so let’s all remind ourselves that part. Everyone’s kit comes with baggage, trauma, and things we need to accept for healing. I had to find that within me and examining all things I was doing up until that point made me more self aware. I realized I had lost a lot of passion for life itself so I distracted myself by convincing myself that everything I was doing was so I could be happy. I had stopped writing, reading, drawing and just creating in general. I had honestly been existing and just going through life without any true direction even tho I thought I was bc I was always planning my next move. I use to be so passionate about a lot of things that I can’t even tell you when it began to fade it just did. 

So, I told myself once I got to college that I would find a balance between taking things seriously and not taking things so seriously, but that the biggest thing for me was to start doing things with intention while also not obsessing about my life 20 years from now. Being intentional was what made me happy bc it was like a fence around me and my passions so that I wouldn’t get off track and start existing through life blindly again rather than experiencing it at its full capacity. I could plan my life away but without intent it’s truly meaningless. Intent for me is asking how will this serve my own happiness while also adding value and happiness to others? So that’s really what I’ve tried to do and have I made mistakes? Ofc, it’s apart of growing and honestly the mistakes taught me the most. Make all your mistakes a lesson. I’m not this perfect all is love and all is light individual. I have a shadow side just like everyone else, but I do the work on myself to balance those attributes and deal with them accordingly. Through shifting my awareness to intent my purpose started to develop and I became a lot happier. And through intent I started to  really started to find myself. Keep in mind this has all happened over the course of like the last 3 years so other life events since my eye issue have triggered this self realization like being on campus during an active school shooting. 

But continuing through that self examination I realized even when I was burning myself out my purpose was always trying to call out to me, but I was distracted by the hustle. I’ve always felt the most happiness when I’m able to do things for others, listen to others stories, and just be present for people who have trouble with people being present for them. We need to accept that life is difficult, but we really have all the power to change that. Don’t hustle. Don’t hustle away from your problems. Don’t hustle toward external validation. Don’t hustle towards material wealth. Walk with your purpose. Walk with the intent to heal yourself internally. Walk with internal validation. If you’re always running through life it’s harder to see the bigger picture that’s meant for you. We settle for doing things quickly for short term success and then we end up 40 years old done chasing life then we think what could we have done differently to feel happy? Short term success is chasing money for happiness. Long term success is chasing happiness for purpose. Purpose never dies. Just like life doesn’t end when you’re 40,50, or even 100. At 40, you’ve barely experienced life even if you think you have but by that age you have so much knowledge in your purpose kit that you could dedicate your next 40 years to find true happiness.

Refuse to inherit dysfunction. Learn new ways of living instead of repeating what you lived through

— Thema Davis.

This episode in particular is going to be about the importance of breaking cycles, especially generational ones.

You all will probably get tired of me saying this but I feel the need to say it because we can all be our  biggest critic sometimes, but I am not perfect at all I’m just growing and learning. I’m human just like the rest of you and sometimes we fall short and we make mistakes. The thing is how we go about correcting our mistakes and that’s really what breaking cycles is all about. Cycles are events that keep repeating itself and in my case it’s the ones that are hindering, detrimental, and problematic. Cycles can be small or they can be large, but what’s important is acknowledging that they exist. Putting your awareness on the fact that there is an issue that needs to be corrected is the most powerful first step bc your awareness begins to shift. Bc in that moment you’ve decided for yourself that you’re not only going to take back control of your mind but your life.  Being conscious of that creates a ripple effect for greatness. Bc whatever that cycle maybe that you want to break whether its intergenerational trauma, anger, poverty, racism, hatefulness, self-doubt, inequity, etc you will begin to attract the things in your life that are meant for you. I’m going to say that again because I feel in my gut that was for someone who may have missed that but whatever that cycle is that you’re consciously trying to break you begin to attract things in your life that are meant for you. I’m talking about truth and abundance bc cycles take and take and they really beat you down, but abundance can not be beaten. Abundance comes in the form of people that you least expect to become your support system or what I view as my soul family. Abundance can also look like opportunity, but it can really be anything that you feel deep in your gut that you know has been placed in your life to heal the trauma to break cycle. And when you’ve been conditioned to be hurt by these things it becomes hard to trust the things that were divinely placed in your life. You believe that it is too good to be true and that you’re undeserving. We have to stop blocking our blessings because these cycles have to go and they have to be cleared.  But with divine timing when the cycle is being called to be broken you can only fight against it for so long until you just surrender to it and hit rock bottom. But I’ve grown to love rock bottom personally even tho it is painful because what comes down must come back up. You can only go up when you hit the bottom and you find so many answers when youre on the ground. It’s painfully beautiful honestly. 

I was watching this show on Netflix called living undocumented and there was this segment where this family was practing shabat bc they are from Israel. And the 17 year old girl began expressing herself at the dinner table with her family about how she was feeling about growing up undocumented and how her life was extremely difficult bc of it and she starts crying and aplogizing for it.. But her dad said something that stuck with me and he told her that it was therapy and that they never really got the time to talk about things regarding her feelings about her immigration status 

Before I explain why that impacted me so much I just wanna say fuck donald trump and that everyone should watch that series bc what this country is doing to the undocumented community is disgusting and hateful. No one should have to go through that and I just want to send my love out to all the undocumented people out there that maybe listening. Keep fighting bc you’re breaking cycle every fucking day and I respect that. Times will change cause these mindset wills shed and I really believe that there will be shift.

But back to what I was saying it was so powerful to see a man actually talk about how he wanted his daughter to speak on what she was going through. Bc he was a man saying this and a lot of yall men like to suffer in silence, which that cycle has to be broken as well. Him and her family were being there for her when no one else could be bc she couldn’t speak about her status to her friends or anyone really out of fear of deportation. Now for example imagine her not feeling comfortable enough to speak about that and her internalizing her feelings about that. An array of negative things could have potentially came from that, but what her dad didn’t realize that the small thing of him just allowing her to have that safe space to vent was him breaking cycles. Other families will watch this show and begin to see the positive impacts of allowing their kids to speak their truth breaking more cycles. I’m hoping people will see it and realize the work they are doing to fight the system matters and is justified bc they will be breaking cycles for immigrants all over. As a black person..

One of the most common things is that families in the black community do not like talking about things that hurt them bc I mean lets be real slavery and jim crow conditioned us to shut the fuck up and take whatever life throw as us. And yes everything regarding african americans will always go back down to slavery so don’t come at me unless you’re gonna come correct. 

But that shit ends right here with me because we are entering a new era where it okay to talk about our traumas and therapy should not be viewed as quote on quote white people shit as most of us have said in the past. I’m trying to create a space where honesty and truth  is held at the pinnacle of my existence. We have to be honest with ourselves about what we are feeling. We have to process that shit because our ancestors went through so much pain and we as black people owe it to them to heal that shit. Bc I’m telling you all the wave I’m on I’m gonna make sure that pain is healed. Bc when we heal that intergenerational trauma it starts to manifest in the physical. And to me that manifestation breaks the cycles of systemic oppression. I’m talking about black bodies being policed, profiled, discriminatio in housing, employment, pay, health care all of that shit is being broken. Like I get so moved by it because I see and feel the shift within me and I know that 2020 is the year for structural cycle breaking. So, I really say all of that just to give a glimpse into how much working on ourselves to heal our own personal issues benefits the collective. We are all so much stronger together than we are apart. 

Sending love to everyone who is trying their best to heal from the things they do not discuss. Thank you and That is Seven.